About

This might not be what you want to know about me.

This might not be everything you want to remember about me. But I won’t apologize for the truth. This is me. I am a dreamer, I will always think in tones of grey instead of black and white, and my plans are made as backups incase my dreams let me down. Relationships will always be more important to me than locations, and people will always be more exciting to me than my eduction. I am a strong one, a stubborn one, a thinker, and someone who will always make decisions for herself. I refuse to be told by anyone what my life should entail and I will never again answer the question, “What is your 1 year plan?” because my dreams are too big to fit into a one year plan. I am strong because I have been weak. I am beautiful because I know my flaws. I am a lover because I am a fighter. I am fearless because I have been afraid. I am wise because I have been foolish. And I can laugh because I’ve known sadness. Somedays are heavier than others. I choose to share that with the people that I know will protect my soul.

Up and down…

Bipolar disorder isn’t a celebrity disease. It isn’t something we ask for. Bipolar is not an illness of choice. But it is something we must learn to embrace. Bipolar is a condition that we have to take responsibility for, or we risk letting it run our lives for us. I will take responsibility for being Bipolar, and when I say that I say it in stride… like I take responsibility for being a female. There is no other choice for me. Like being female means I have certain biological blessings and curses, being bipolar means I have certain chemical blessings and curses. I am blessed with the ability to concentrate on my feelings to a degree so deeply that it affects me in ways that it doesn’t affect normal people. I feel love 100 times deeper and I feel sadness 100 times deeper. I also have a level of irrationality that allows certain positive and negative effects. I imagine these grandeur plans constantly, but I also start them without thinking twice and most times they fail through lack of thorough thought. Bipolar may not be a choice, but with responsibility it can and should be embraced. Mostly, because it is who I am… and who I am deserves to be embraced.

We all try to be different.

Each in our own ways and for our own reasons and I realize now that, that no longer matters. Being “Different.” In my own way, with my own abilities and holding my own standards, just by loving on people I am making a difference. If there is one thing I could tell every person in the world, it would be “You are beautiful.” All I really want is the world to know how beautiful it is. So, while the rest of kids my age are at Universities working hard to become famous architects, corporate moguls, and recognized political dignitaries, I am pushing to just make a difference in the lives of the people around me. That is who I want to be. And that is who I am. I am comfortable knowing that if when I am 68, that’s all I’ve accomplished, I’ll be ok with that. That’s just who I am.