I miss her

I miss her. I miss the way she used to look at me. Mostly with looks of doubt and admiration. I miss dancing in the garage together and goofing off in the woods together. I miss fighting over the prettiest dress in our closets. I miss her telling me, “That’s not a good idea.” I miss her little text messages checking up on me to see if I was doing ok. I miss her smiling at me. I miss laying at the end of her bed, and writing in our journals together. I always thought we had such an honest relationship… open. I think we used to. I miss that.

But I don’t miss pretending I had it together. I am so glad I can just be human now. I can’t get it right all the time. I know I act retarded sometimes. I fix it when I can and when it’s appropriate, but I won’t walk on eggshells. And I don’t expect anyone would want me to.

We are both beautiful people and we both have our issues, but I always thought we were quick to deal with them and be done. Maybe I was always wrong… Maybe I am wrong, but I don’t want to always have to be the brave one.

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